"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ."
(1 Corinthians 11:3, NASB).
In today’s feminized culture we live in, not many men know how to be leaders anymore. Years ago men knew how to lead in a relationship. How you might ask? They had fathers who had the necessary skills to teach their sons. Now you have fathers who will not even take responsibility for themselves and their actions, let alone a family. Why is that? Well for starters, first, they come from a single parent family, where they had no dad to teach them the required skills to conduct themselves in a manly manner. Since feminism and the government that endorses the fallacy that fathers are unnecessary and that mothers can fulfill the role of both parents fathers are deemed unnecessary. Second, you have young fathers who don’t know how to lead, let alone what it means to be a man, who come from families where both parents are present, but the father did not possess the basic skills to teach his son what it means to lead in a manly and healthy fashion. Then thirdly, you have young fathers who have the basic skills necessary to lead his family, but his young wife fights him on everything, because she believes the feminist lie that says it is sexist for men to be the only ones to have the authority to lead, and that women can lead just like men can. So you end up with a chaotic environment, where both parents are striving against each other for sole authority within the home, unaware their actions are affecting their children. Working against each other will never work, but both parents working together as a team does. Working in opposition against each other will not accomplish anything, except eventually a trip to divorce court. So what does it mean to assume the responsibility of leadership in a family setting? Well, let’s look at three key points on this issue and try to clear away some misunderstanding.
LEADERSHIP: IS IT ABOUT LEADING OR CONTROLLING?
The term leader means, “to lead along; to guide, direct, or command [as a general would command his troops].” Historically men were the head of the home. In a marital relationship the husband was responsible for providing and protecting his family. His wife and children were depended on him to meet their needs. In the past, many women fulfilled their role and responsibility as housewives in the home, while the man worked to provide for his family. Times have changed since then. We have almost as many women employed in jobs as we do men. In 2014 the percentage of women in the work force was estimated to be 47.1% which makes up almost half the work force. In the United States, it is 45.8%. However, if you factor in and include teenage girls from age 16 and up, you have quite a jump from 45.8% to 57% of women who make up the work force in the United States in 2014. This no doubt affects the leadership role and responsibility of men in marriage. The husband is no longer the sole financial provider for his family. Yet, feminists hold to an unfair double standard in that men are still expected to be the primary bread winners in the home, despite the fact there are almost as many women working as there are men. As already mentioned about 57% of the work force consists of women working! If this source is correct, it puts into serious question why a man should still be obligated to pay on a date with a woman? Yet, a man’s value in a relationship with a woman is still based on his financial ability to provide for his wife and kids.
Often the question arises among women, especially feminists, that the man being the head of the family is a slam against women, a dictatorship where the man rules and oppresses his home with an iron fist. Unfortunately, in some cases a woman’s complaint may well be justified. For some people think leadership is about power and control over others. I’m sure some men can be quite insensitive, careless, and mean to his wife and children, but so can women be just equally as guilty in being abusive and oppressive towards her husband and children. Leadership is not about who gets to be the boss, nor is it about control. It is about leading, not controlling or dictating to others in a demeaning manner how to live their lives. That’s not genuine leadership. Leadership is about leading others by example, not by expecting others to follow you just because you say so. This of course "leads" us into the next point. (No pun intended, haha).
LEADERSHIP: IS IT ABOUT RESISTING OR SUBMITTING?
Leadership is often misunderstood in relationships, especially in marriage, as the man just taking on the role and the responsibility of leadership in the home. No, it is much more than that. It is about leading by example. One way a husband can do this is by serving his family in submission. You really cannot genuinely serve without possessing a heart of submission, and you really cannot be fit to lead without a heart to serve others. Now what would submission look like in a proper and healthy functioning family? First, the man submits by serving his wife and children by leading, protecting, and providing for them; next, the wife submits by faithfully obeying and serving her husband, and children through nurturing and providing a loving atmosphere within the home; lastly, children submit by obeying both their parent’s guidance and instruction, and not causing them grief through bad behavior. However, when it comes to decision making within the home, the man should have the final say, but decisions should not be made by the man alone, without consulting his wife first in getting her input on the matter. In other words, important decisions that are to be made for the family, should be made and agreed upon by both the husband and wife before the man makes the decision to proceed.
Let’s face it, it is in human nature to rebel against submitting to authority, however, that does not excuse us from submitting to authority when it is required of us to do so. For without submission you have anarchy. So submission by its very nature is necessary to have order, just like it is necessary to have someone who has the required ability and skill to guide and direct a relationship to a place of order, but again, you cannot have order without submission. Everyone cannot lead, because everyone does not process and possess the necessary skills to be able to do so. Since it is ability and skill that empowers one to lead, even so does submission carry its own power in creating peace and order. This is something leadership cannot do by itself, without possessing the qualities of humility and submission. A person who has a willing heart to faithfully serve others, and has served others faithfully in the past makes for a great leader, for he is able to lead by example, and not just by word alone. The role Leadership for the husband within a marital relationship should never be about superiority or a self-serving attitude. True Leadership is about leading by example. It is about using your intelligence, skills, and abilities to direct and guide others towards a specified goal. This in of itself is a type of service.
Leaders who are hungry for power, prestige, and control shouldn't be in positions of leadership, for they are a grief to all who have to put up with them. So it is understandable if a woman resists a husband's leadership role in the home, if he oversteps his boundaries by becoming more a dictator and control freak, when his priority is to lead by example. No woman wants to submit to a tyrant.
LEADERSHIP: IS IT ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY AND RESPECT?
Respect is earned, and it is best earned through responsibility. You cannot properly have respect without being responsible, and being faithfully responsible deserves respect. The virtue of being responsible means: “having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role.” So being faithfully responsible is what earns you respect from those who see that in your life. The term respect means: “to regard, to hold in high esteem.” Now a person who is irresponsible or neglectful of his duties is naturally people we have very little, or no respect for at all. Under feminism, a lot of women want leadership roles without the responsibility that goes along with it. Nevertheless, there are women who are responsible and deserving of respect. Let’s face it, there are women who are mature, responsible, intelligent, hard working, even putting to shame a lot of men in the process. Perhaps some will disagree with me here, but I am of the opinion that women in general do not make good leaders. Why do I say that? Here are some reasons why:
ORIGINALLY: the man was created first, then the woman was created (1 Cor. 11:8-9; 1 Tim. 2:13).
PSYCHOLOGICALLY: women are less rational and logical then men.
SEXUALLY: women’s sexual organs are designed to receive and nurture, whereas a man’s sexual organs are designed to lead and give.
BIOLOGICALLY: a woman is smaller and weaker physically than a man, whereas a man is larger and stronger than a woman [ex. many of the great civilizations and building structures from the past to present were and are built by men]. (1 Pet. 3:7).
Here below is a list of reasons why a woman should not lead written by a woman:
1. Women, even highly intelligent women, are more emotional than men.
2. Women govern with ideas of nurturing. Society functions on notions of duty and discipline.
3. Women have too much to do in the private realm.
4. The future depends on the child-rearing of today.
5. Birth rates sharply fall under egalitarian leadership.
6. Men lose interest in fields dominated by women. The more women govern, the less men seek to govern.
7. Female public figures are judged more than men on their physical appearance.
8. Women who hold power tend to disparage the powerlessness of most women, making it difficult for women in general to forsake ambition for greater goods.
Feminism undermines leadership in the nuclear family by (1.) teaching the egalitarian view that says men and women are the exact same, (2.) by erasing the unique differences inherent in men and women, (3.) teaching the false notion that father’s are unnecessary to raise children, (4.) by reversing the roles and authority in the nuclear family in having the woman assume the role of the husband, and the husband assuming the role of the wife, (5.) by mischaracterization of men in society, through demonizing, demeaning, and subjugating and oppressing men; blaming men for all the problems in society, instead of women taking responsibility for their own actions. (6.) homosexuality within feminism that supports same-sex marriage also undermines the nuclear family. I’m sure a lot more examples could be given.
To conclude, I think it is important to realize that both men and women have different gifts, abilities, and strengths that they bring into a marital relationship that helps to enrich, strength, and compliments each other. A recent post I seen on Facebook gave this insightful quote that I’m sure we can all agree with: “A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and a wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.” (Ashley Willis). Let’s face it, both men and women have strengths they can both benefit from one another, just as they both have weaknesses that show they need one another as well.
