"The Bully Who Grew A Heart"

"Am I my brother's [sister's] keeper?"

(Genesis 4: 9, NIV)

 



 

Since there has been so much talk of lately about bullying. For example, the suicide death of Amanda Todd which was the result of bullying. Then there is the recent story of Rehtaeh Parsons, who was brutally raped by four of her peers and later died. The saddest part of all was pictures of the assault was emailed and posted on the internet. With all this evidence, you would think the police would of apprehended the perpetrators by now. Such epathy shown by the law is a shame and crime in itself. So I thought I would share my story as a former bully who had a change of heart. I hope my story below encourages people that not all bullies are heartless.

I was a former bully myself. What really changed me was an incident that occurred during my last year in elementary school before I went to Junior High. I will never forget the incident that transpired that day, which contributed to my change of heart. The bullying incident happened one day during lunch break on the outskirts of the school grounds. A large group of us kids, around 20 or 30 of us, gathered around a young 6th grade girl named Amanda [not her real name] who had a mild mentally challenged disability. A part of her disability was that she would do just about anything you ask her to do. Of course, for those of us in the crowd that day, we made sport of that, just another laugh at this poor girl’s expense.

For example, we would pretend to be her friend. When we easily convinced her of that, we got her to do some pretty foolish things. Like when we got her to eat grass; then we got her to smear dirt all over her clean dress, etc. However, the meanest part of the incident was when a boy nearby where I was standing, told her to take her top off! By this time she was laughing along with us, unaware that we were really laughing at her, each time she did some small thing we asked her to do to please us.

But the last straw was when she did the last thing that cruel boy asked her to do. It was the punch-line, the joke at her expense. At first, she was a bit hesitant at the boy’s request. So the crowd of us kids cheered her on to do it. Not one of us protested against the cruel gesture we were encouraging her to do! Anyway, she took off her top. The crowd roared in mocking laughter at her. Again, poor Amanda didn’t understand that we were not laughing with her, but rather were laughing at her. This time when she laughed with us, she laughed in a confused, self conscious and insecure manner, as if something was not quite right.

It was then, another 6th grade girl came into the crowd and stepped out into the clearing in the circle where the confused and topless girl stood. She specifically came in defense of Amanda. She angrily shouted at the crowd of us around her, who were guilty of bullying and making fun of this young girl who just happened to be a little different than the rest of us. The crowd grew silent for a moment, as the new girl plainly told Amanda that we were really not her friends, that we were just poking fun of her at her expense.

I will never forget the look on her face, a look that still haunts me to this day! As the reality of the cruel truth dawned on her, she began to cry loudly as her eyes scanned the silent crowd, and with a look of betrayal she repeated over and over, “I thought you were my friends?” As I looked at the crowd around me, not one eye was dry. As the crowd shamefully dispersed kids were wiping their eyes. I was one of the last to leave. I shamefully looked at the two young girls. I knew the girl who defended Amanda. She was my girlfriend at the time, Carry. She looked at me with a disappointed and disgusted look on her face. For a moment, nothing was said. I quietly walked over to the girls and took off my jean jacket and wrapped it around Amanda. Seeing her tears, I gently wiped some of them away with my fingers. Then I quietly turned around and walked away. In disbelief, Carry cried out, “You jerk! So you are going to leave without even apologizing to her!?”

A few weeks had passed since the incident, and I still couldn’t erase from my memory the betrayed look on Amanda’s tear stained face, nor could I escape her emotionally charged words: “I thought you were my friends?” As I played with my friends on the play ground at recess time, her face and words haunted me. Every now and again, I would look across the play ground and see the girl I hurt. She was laughing and talking with a couple other girls, including Carry who wouldn’t speak to me. I can’t blame her. I did act like such a jerk. I should have stood up for Amanda when she needed it the most. I was so busy being a part of the crowd, when there are times in one’s life when we need to stand out from the crowd in protest against an injustice done to our neighbor in their hour of need.

Finally, one day during recess time I walked on over to Amanda. When she saw me, her smile quickly faded. With her head down, she stared at the ground and shyly moved aside to where Carry was standing. With an annoyed and angry scowl on her face, she sharply asked, “What do you want?” At the force of her words, I took a step back. Staring at the ground, I quietly said, “I am sorry.” I could feel her eyes burrowing through me, as she said, “I can’t hear you. Speak up, what was it you said?” This time, looking up at her, I said firmly, “Look, I am sorry about what happen a few weeks ago, okay?” Studying my face, she shot back, “It’s not me you need to apologize to, it’s to her!” Rolling my eyes, I exclaimed, “How can I, she’s hiding behind you!” Stepping aside, she motioned for Amanda to come forward. Standing now face to face, I could see the hurt in her eyes. Holding back my tears, I said with emotion, “Amanda, I am so sorry for what I had said and asked you do. Will you please forgive me for acting like such a jerk?” The smile that had first faded at my approach, once again appeared on her face. Wrapping her arms around me, she whispered in my ear, “Of course I forgive you.” Clutching onto her back, I buried my face into her shoulder as tears freely flowed from my eyes. After a few moments, I stepped back, embarrassed as I quickly wiped away my tears, as I became painfully aware that a number of students, including my girlfriend at the time were quietly observing me. They too had tears in their eyes. With deep emotion, Carry said, “I think there is hope for you yet.” If my memory serves me correct, I was the only boy from the crowd who actually returned back to apologize to Amanda that day. Later, I heard a few more kids from the crowd I was a part of that day, went and apologized to her. Whether rumour or fact, who knows. I really hope they did.

Carry then hugged me and forgave me. Once again, we were back together as boyfriend and girlfriend. All my friends were once again green with envy as I playfully trotted off with one of the prettiest girls in our elementary school, Haha! As the school year went on, Carry took note that I had stopped bullying other kids for their lunch money. I had no choice in the matter. Either that, or face her wrath; Just kidding, haha. Finally, the last day of school came. Packing my things in my school bag from my locker, I said goodbye to some of my friends and then left for home. It was a warm, sunny and beautiful day as I ventured home. Just as I turned towards the Corner store near my school, a girl called out to me. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed it was Carry and her best friend Jill. They were standing in the middle of the side street, near the path in the woods that lead to their homes. I walked over and said my goodbyes to them as well for the hundredth time! That school year defined a milestone in my life. Though I wasn’t perfect, I still got into trouble from time to time. But I had changed. I became a reformed bully. A bully who grew a heart!

Before we parted ways, I received my first real kiss from Carry. Yeah, we kissed before, just not like the passionate one she left me with. But then, that’s a story for another time. But then again, I don't kiss and tell, haha!