Is Love More than a Feeling, Behavior, or Action?



When it comes to expressing "love," we feel it, show it, and do it. Love is known in the Word of God as the chief fruit of all the fruits of the Spirit (see Gal. 5: 22-23). It is the fruit that makes all the other ones possible to cultivate in our lives as believers. However, it is also one of the most misunderstood fruits of the Spirit. Let us consider briefly what some of these misunderstandings are about love. 

1. Our FEELINGS in Relation to our LOVE: To begin with, people often equate love to a feeling. In other words, their love for others is dictated by how they "feel" about that person at that moment. They associate love to just a mere feeling. It is true that our feelings are sometimes closely connected to how we love others. However, our feelings are often subject to change. For example, a loving relationship between a husband and wife. One moment the wife feels love for her husband, while in another moment she does not feel love for her husband, even though in reality she does love her husband. So you see, feelings cannot determine one's love for another. It is not that it is wrong to feel love towards others, It just should not be the determining factor in how we love others. The fact is love is much more than a feeling or an emotion. Love is something we choose to express towards our spouses, family members, friends, and should also be shown towards strangers in a certain measure. Love should dominate our feelings, instead of letting our feelings dominate our love. For loving others according to our feelings can have disastrous results, if left unchecked and uncorrected. 

2. Our BEHAVIOR in Relation to our LOVE: Sometimes when the topic of love is brought up, the subject of how one behaves is too. Many have been mislead to believe that how one behaves is another way to show how one loves. However, one's behavior does not determine one's love.  A person can have outstanding behavior in the presence of all who know him or her, yet not have an ounce of love demonstrated in that behavior. For that individual's motive could be strictly out of duty, obligation, or for some selfish gain. Though one's behavior may be good and right, but one's motive behind the behavior could be wrong. Much like feelings, behavior also has its place in how our love is to be demonstrated to others. In retrospect, Love should be the driving force behind our behavior. For example, I work with a young man who is mentally delayed. When I do things for him, it ought to be done out of brotherly love, not just out of duty or obligation.  Behavior ought not to be the driving force behind our love, but rather our love should be the driving force behind our behavior. 

3. Our ACTION in Relation to our LOVE: Now both behavior and action have something in common. Our behavior is a personal action; whereas, our action towards others is a public action. Some people wrongly assume that how we treat and what we do for others is without a doubt one of the greatest ways to show our love to others. But Paul warns, "If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." (1 Cor. 13: 3, NIV). So doing great works of kindness towards others and even willing to lay down our life for some cause is not an indication of our love. No matter how good someone's actions are does not mean it was motivated by genuine love. Our outward action to others should be done in Christ like love, not out of law, duty, or for some selfish motive.  The Lord Jesus says, "My commandment is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15: 12, NIV). "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men." (Col. 3: 23; see also Eph. 6: 7). As one can see, love is an action verb, not just a word written on a page.  

To conclude, love is the combination of all three points above and is much more than that. It is a feeling, a behavior, as well as an action. But such feelings, behavior, and action need to be ruled by love. True love is more than the world’s kind of cheap love that only sticks around when things are going well, then quickly fades once things go wrong. It is a selfish kind of love that is based on conditions. It says, I will love you if you are beautiful, or I will love you if you do things for me, or lastly, I will love you if you have sex with me. This is not real genuine love. True love is unconditional love. It is not based on conditions. It freely bestows its blessing on the receiver. It loves without being asked to, it loves without any complaint, it loves the unlovable. Love loves completely, even when the loved one doesn’t deserve it.